Erin Foster responds to criticism about how Jewish women are depicted in ‘Nobody Wants This’
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It feels like few shows this year have hit the way “Nobody Wants This” just did. The rom-com received near-unanimous praise from critics — one even called it “as funny as ‘When Harry Met Sally’” — and it secured the No. 1 spot on Netflix‘s Top 10 list for TV series hours after its debut. (It’s also already spawned hundreds of thirsty Adam Brody memes on social media.)
But amid the love for Erin Foster’s new series, some in the Jewish community have raised questions about whether or not the show perpetuates problematic stereotypes about Jewish women.
Netflix’s latest rom-com stars the very likable Kristen Bell and Adam Brody as a pair of opposites who fall for each other.
“Nobody Wants This” centers on an agnostic podcast host, Joanne (Kristen Bell), who falls for Noah (Brody, a religious leader known at his temple as the “hot rabbi.” While the couple navigates their new relationship, Joanne is initially met with disdain by the rabbi’s Jewish family. Noah’s Russian immigrant parents — particularly his mother — are reluctant to embrace her, even after she tells them she’s willing to convert to Judaism. And Noah’s sister-in-law remains so loyal to his Jewish ex that she even yells “whore” at Joanne outside of a bar. (That ex, by the way, was so desperate to wed Noah that she preemptively found an engagement ring he’d hidden and started wearing it before he’d proposed.)
“I can’t imagine any guy who watches this show who would then say, ‘I really want to date a Jewish girl!’” wrote Jessica Radloff in Glamour. “We come off as controlling, marriage-hungry women who want to plan dinner parties and alienate anyone who doesn’t share those same dreams.”
The series was inspired by Foster’s real-life romance: She fell for a Jewish guy who was adamant about marrying someone who was also Jewish, so she converted. It’s been nearly five years since Foster completed this process — she took a 10-week course at American Jewish University in West L.A. — but heading into the writers room, she said she purposefully surrounded herself with colleagues who were born Jewish. “I’m Jewish, but I didn’t grow up Jewish. It’s a different thing,” said Foster, 42.
During the press tour leading up to the premiere of “Nobody Wants This,” questions about the show’s portrayal of Judaism were already being raised. In an interview with The Times — where she was later joined by her husband, Simon Tikhman — Foster addressed her approach to depicting the culture onscreen.
When the creator of Netflix’s rom-com told her husband she had sold a show based on their love story, he wasn’t thrilled, but he eventually came around: ‘This is what Erin’s supposed to be doing.’
How do you feel about critics labeling some of the Jewish characters on the show as stereotypical?
Foster: I think we need positive Jewish stories right now. I think it’s interesting when people focus on, “Oh, this is a stereotype of Jewish people,” when you have a rabbi as the lead. A hot, cool, young rabbi who smokes weed. That’s the antithesis of how people view a Jewish rabbi, right? If I made the Jewish parents, like, two granola hippies on a farm, then someone would write, “I’ve never met a Jewish person like that before. You clearly don’t know how to write Jewish people, you don’t know what you’re doing, and that doesn’t represent us well.”
This series is inspired by your relationship with your husband. Was it difficult for you to gain acceptance into his Jewish family?
Foster: In real life, Simon’s parents and I have a great relationship. We always have and they honestly never had an issue with me because me converting to Judaism was such an honor for them. To bring someone into the Jewish faith was the ultimate daughter-in-law move; it bonded us in such a great way.
But in a TV show, you have to have conflict. It’s important that I had Noah’s parents in the show be immigrants because immigrant culture is very different than American Jewish culture. Simon’s parents fled the Soviet Union because they were Jewish. That is a very different experience than someone who grew up in L.A., not being exposed to the kind of antisemitism that they were exposed to. It means something different. It’s a much more sensitive topic, and it’s much closer to their hearts.
That is why I don’t feel that the parents are stereotypes as much. Immigrant culture can be very insular and fearful of outsiders, and there’s a good reason for that. I wanted to play into that, because it’s an added layer of cultural differences between these two people.
Was it important for you that the actor playing Noah actually be Jewish?
I thought it was really important. We auditioned literally every Jewish actor on this earth.
I think it’s OK to be open about it and make it clear you’re looking for a Jewish actor who’s playing a rabbi. And the truth is, no one felt right — like not even close [but Brody].
And I think it’s ridiculous to think that an actor has to be all the things that they’re playing. I believe a gay person can play a straight person. A straight person can play a gay person. But I did feel like someone who’s not Jewish playing a rabbi as the lead in a show that is putting a positive light on Jewish culture felt wrong. That didn’t sit right with me.
Over lunch in East L.A., the actors discussed pairing up for a rom-com series, stepping into their respective roles and how the show portrays love at a more mature age.
How do you feel about “Nobody Wants This” coming out in the midst of a heightened climate of antisemitism?
Foster: We’re definitely not the show to address the political climate of what’s happening in the world right now. That’s not what people are coming to our show to watch, and it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to tackle that issue because I didn’t grow up Jewish. I have a point of view on it, as a person in the world, but that shouldn’t be a part of the show. I don’t think that it’s OK to speak for so many people. What I really wanted to do was shed a positive light on Jewish culture from my perspective — my positive experience being brought into Jewish culture, sprinkling in a little fun, [and] educational moments about things in Judaism that I love without it being heavy-handed. Because I don’t think people want that in the show.
How has your relationship to Judaism changed since your conversion?
I remember feeling like this panicked feeling when I left the mikvah [a ritual bath that occurs at the end of the conversion process]. I was like, “I don’t feel Jewish yet.” I got dunked under a Jacuzzi and thought some magical thing was supposed to happen, like ‘Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo!”
But I didn’t feel anything, and I was really scared. “Am I really Jewish? I don’t feel any different.”
I understand now, sitting here five years later, you don’t feel Jewish until you’ve been Jewish. When I see antisemitism, I think I’m Jewish. I have felt more Jewish since I converted because of the lived experience way more than learning about it in a classroom and learning the date and meaning of a holiday. Existing in 2024 with what’s going on in the world, that makes me feel Jewish.
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